Friday, March 16, 2007

Your Carbon Obligations

Hello, this is a message to inform the citizens of the world as to your obligations regarding global warming. The following will explain exactly what you are required to do to prevent this crisis.

Globally, there is only one treaty that covers this topic; it is called the Kyoto Protocol. Generally, this document is an agreement between governments to reduce emissions, and it has specific percent reductions that vary by country. There are two countries, the United States and Australia, that have not ratified this treaty. As such, if you are a citizen of one of these democratically elected countries, your personal obligation towards reducing greenhouse gases is zero. Please stop reading here.

For the rest of you, there is some obligation. Right now, your government is actively working with top scientists and heads of industry on a plan to reduce your country's share of the emissions. If by this time you have not been contacted by your government to address this issue, it is unlikely that you will be. Please stop reading here.

For those of your actively involved in the solution, you may be asked to do certain things. For example, you may be asked to reduce your energy consumption in certain steel mills, or maybe trap the methane coming to of your landfills. To address these issues, you may be given money or, alternatively, may be fined if you do not. Please abide by the laws of the country where you are doing the work. If you receive funds, please spend then wisely and efficiently on the work to be done. Stop reading here, and have your delegated employees read the final section.

If you are reading this section, congratulations, you are being asked to help solve the global warming crisis. You might be responsible for turning out the lights at the end of your shift, or pulling a tarp over the landfill you work at. Whatever the job, you will be paid for it; do it to the best of your ability. When you are finished take pride in the fact that you helped solve the crisis. Please stop reading here.


Princess Manners said...

Hi Michael,
Great post and blog. Word to ya Mutha! (Also, thanks for TH observation.)

Princess Manners said...

(Oops, I slipped up on your name--sorry, Mark.)